I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
