If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
