Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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