i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
