Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
