Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
God, I missed his penis.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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