can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
