kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
