no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
