You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
