they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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