My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
