I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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