upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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