I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
