Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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