please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
