If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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