shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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