it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
