At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
don't judge my taste in strippers
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
