How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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