hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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