who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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