just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
