Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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