singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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