Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Someone shit on the floor
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
