i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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