Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
