that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
