Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
two words...techno handjob
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
