i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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