I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
