My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
