In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
