Please, let me fuck your mom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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