I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
