remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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