Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
