just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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