I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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