I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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