i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
