dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
