The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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