There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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