need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
