I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
