so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
