Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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