8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
