you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
