weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
