He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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