New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
