Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
